Muy Mal

Alternatively titled: "Bad, Shitty, Terrible, Stressful Morning"

Warning: This is a rant and nothing but. There are no morals, or life-long lessons included; it’s just simply me bitching about my morning because it makes me feel better.

For starters, I went to bed angry with my husband. Yeah, yeah I broke the cardinal rule of marriage and went to bed angry. F that. It’s a dumb idea anyway. Secondly, I woke up late because I was tired from working late the night before. As soon as Alexandria was ready I asked her to bring her dog back inside and put her in the kennel. Well apparently she translated that to, “stay outside and play some more”. I finish getting ready, get Olivia’s shoes on, remember I need to bring a lunch because I work through lunch today……Olivia says her new shoes hurt her feet. “okay, I’ll run get you some socks…….where’s Alexandria? Why hasn’t she come in with the dog yet?......Aly!!!!!!”. She comes in,

Me: “why haven’t you put your dog up yet??”

Aly: “oh, I didn’t know that’s what you said to do”

Me: “oh well it’s too late to chase her down now, she’s out of luck we have to go or you’re gonna be late”

Knowing that at this point I am for sure 15 minutes behind for work now. We all get in the car, I then realize that it’s probably not a good idea to let the dog stay out all day because not only could she get stolen (a girl can dream can’t she??), but she could possibly kill one of our kittens who are now staying on the patio. (she thinks they are her toys and tries to force them to play with her) So I get back out of the car, attempt to chase her down and get her inside to her kennel, meanwhile one of the cats runs in and I literally chase it all over the kitchen and back out the door. THEN as I’m cussing the dog out under my breath and through gritted teeth, I call her over to the car so she’ll think she’s getting to go, it works, she comes, I grab her and we go inside, I resist the urge to hurl her through the window for running from me (but can you blame her?) and instead put her in her kennel. We race to Aly’s school, or at least as fast as the law allows in a school zone, and just as Aly is getting out of the car I notice that she and her dad picked out a skirt the night before and I say “does that have shorts under it for PE?” she lifts is up and………..NO. There are no shorts. So she will most likely have to sit out in PE and get points deducted.

I race on to Olivia’s preschool, as I’m getting her out of the car I realize I forgot to go back and get her socks, we go all the way to her classroom, as fast as a 3 yr old can walk….sign on the door : “We are at the playground”. Thank you lady at the front desk who watched me hurry by with my child in tow, knowing full well who we are, which class she’s in, and that they are on the playground! Thank you for doing your job so excellently. We backtrack all the way to the playground, I tell her teacher "she may need band-aids later in the day cause she’s breaking in new shoes" and I’m such a bad mother that I forgot to give her some socks to help out the pain. I rush back to my car, spin out like a bat out of hell pull safely out of the drop off zone, and as I drive past the playground on my way out I look over to see my precious, sweet faced, baby girl waving bye to me so enthusiastically that I felt even more like complete shit for forgetting those damn socks it brought me to tears. And let me tell you, it’s been a long time since I drove out of a preschool parking lot with tears in my eyes, but that pretty much did me in.

My morning didn’t get much better as I arrived 30 minutes late for work only to realize that I left my notes for three assessments I have yet to type up, in the car my husband is driving today. Now I'm just waiting for a big boulder to fall out of the sky and squish me....and at this point I'm kind of waiting with open arms.


*Addendum* My husband usually helps me get the girls ready in the mornings as well as he takes Olivia to preschool on his way to school. However, this particular morning was different, and things just didn't go as planned (to say the least). But I felt I should add this since I'm always on my soapbox about how things should be equal among parents. :)

Divorce

I have been married for 10 ½ years and not that that makes me any kind of expert, but I do think that I can definitely say I know a thing or two about marriage. And since I’m a big believer in keeping it real to others about my marriage, I felt compelled to share a revelation I recently had on divorce.

Early in my marriage, everything was honeymoon-ish; we were so in love and never wanted to be apart, blah, blah, blah. When I got married I believed that we would stay together forever, but being the realist that I am I knew that it would take work—not just love. Afterall, you can totally love someone that you could never be married to! Over the years we’ve survived two pregnancies/births, several moves, career changes, college, having money, having no money, and.....well, just life. We have sad depressing memories, but we also have really, really happy memories too. Someone once told me there is a natural ebb and flow to marriage and I totally see that now. Anyway, over time I found myself feeling more resentful about things, getting angrier during arguments, feeling more hopeless about resolving them, and I started throwing out the D word. I didn’t so much threaten divorce as I just started bringing it up as a resolution. I was so frustrated and exhausted from arguing, from having to cope with stress as a couple, from having to work on being a wife. The problem solver in me couldn’t get past not being able to nip the arguments in the bud; no matter what we came up with and tried we were still arguing about the same things, and I was still walking away feeling resentful. The only thing left was to not be together. But when I thought that option through, I realized all the things I would be taking away from life and it made me sad. I was heartbroken over the thought of divorcing, yet I didn’t know what else to do. As time went on I found myself bringing divorce into the equation more and more. My husband seemed to be against it (thankfully) but I was starting to look at it as a very real option, no matter how heartbreaking it seemed. I couldn’t understand how we’d continue on arguing so much and never finding resolutions. I prayed for an answer and finally one came. It wasn’t like a big light bulb going off, it wasn’t some great epiphany, it just slowly crept up on me and really just now as I type this I’m realizing that it was the answer to prayer that I’d been looking for: I had to not only stop playing the divorce card, but I had to retire it completely. It had to be scratched off my list of options. As long as I kept divorce a plausible solution in my head, I would get closer to making a reality. I mean if it’s in your arsenal you’re going to use it eventually, right? And let’s face it, deep down it’s not ever what I really wanted. I just wanted to be free from the arguments and the stress, but divorce is not the only way out of that! Once I promised myself that I would stop considering divorce, I knew that I was in this for the long-haul. That meant making it as happy a marriage as we deserved. I still don’t have all the answers of how to do this, but that’s just it—marriage is a work in progress. He’s the man I chose, he chose me, and God blessed us with two amazing children….that gives us all the reasons we need to make our marriage a beautiful thing.

Now I’m not saying that no one should ever divorce, because I know that there are always exceptions and there are lots of circumstances that could warrant divorce. I’m simply saying that it’s no longer an option for me. If I put just as much energy and love into being happily married as I did to coming up with plans on dealing with the hard times (i.e. divorce) then I don’t think we’ll have many reasons to not stay together. We will always have arguments, we will always annoy each other at times, and our bad habits aren’t going anywhere; but the bottom line is I wouldn’t want to go through this life with any other partner.

And I Thought I Was Random

What some people won't research...

http://www.good.is/post/why-do-we-hate-the-word-%e2%80%9cmoist%e2%80%9d/

Coming Soon: a post about marriage & divorce
(funny how I announce that like I'm MckMama and there are billions of people waiting to read...lol)

Hilarious Account of Labor & Delivery

You have to check out this post by Melissa from MTV's Real World (a billion yrs ago when I actually watched it) about her labor & delivery with her first child. It's pretty lengthy but hilarious! It definitely brings back the memories......I posted the link below but here's an excerpt of my favorite part because it was so me after I had Alexandria.

"Another nurse comes into my room. Shows me how to make my own diaper and there are so many steps and layers, it’s literally like making a big sandwich. I’m wearing a wee wee pad and four Tucks medicated pads and a maxi pad and these mesh panties. And I’m peeing in a hat. What time is it and where is my baby?"

http://www.princessmelissa.com/weblog/

30 Years Old, and What Do I Know?

Definitely not proper comma placement and how to avoid run on sentences, but that’s neither here nor there.
In honor of my 30th birthday (7/11), I wanted to write about what I have really learned & discovered in the past decade. What were my epiphanies, revelations, and “aha moments”? I know you’re just dying to know…..LOL. Here are some of the high-lights………

Never turn off the alarm clock until you are completely out of the bed!

Relationships are hard, work is hard, and parenting is hard; life is hard in general…….so it’s important to seek out the good times.

It’s fun to laugh at inappropriate things…….

Rules are always made with exceptions.

When you are a cocktail waitress it’s amazingly easy to cheat men out of their money; and just as easy to get free drinks. {didn’t say I was proud, just said I learned it}

It’s important to know your roots, and revisit them every now and then.

It’s okay to not be friends with everyone.

Know your priorities in life and stick to them, otherwise they don’t mean much.

Your parents don’t know as much as you once thought; they are only human just like you.

Everyone I know grew up in a dysfunctional family.

Know what you stand for and what you will not stand for.

It’s okay to not always know what to do!

Taking “mental health” days off from work are vital!!

Not only is it okay to not have a perfect marriage, but it’s okay to accept that they don’t exist.

They don’t call childbirth “labor” for nothing! It’s the hardest, most important work I’ve ever done; and the sweetest reward I’ve ever gotten.

The “perfect time” never comes, so don’t wait for it.

It’s important to figure out when to fight and when to surrender, I think most of us tend to do the opposite of what we should.

It’s just as important to have a plan as it is to be flexible.

Sometimes the little things are what’s important, and other times they are truly the things that should not matter. Go figure.

The more you have to fight for control in a situation, the more the situation is actually controlling you. {This one took me a long while to figure out…}

I am imperfect; I am definitely a sinner.

I love to laugh, I love hard, and I am a loyal friend.

I attempt daily to do right by my children, and as they grow I pray that I succeed at this.

I have many titles, but there is not one that completely or utterly defines who I am.

This life is temporary, this life is temporary, this life is temporary…

and is too difficult to navigate without belief in a Higher Power.

The Kid's a Genius

Olivia has recently discovered that television can be entertaining; before it was just something the rest of the family watched while she played with toys or amused herself with other things. Now.....she has discovered Dora the Explorer, Blues Clues, and Yo Gabba Gabba. "There's a party in my tummy, so yummy, so yummy"......anyway....
Now everything she eats(and even non-edible items I might add) want to go to the "party" in her tummy! The other day as we perused the aisles at Michael's Arts & Crafts store we came upon the Homecoming mum decorations, in which sweet Olivia spotted a sticker of a dog paw and excitedly shouted, "Mommy! I found a clue!".

Excuse Me, Is Your Daddy Home?

This was inspired by the controversy over this article.

First of all, I’m not going to even bother addressing the actual argument in the above mentioned article. This topic has been debated among women for the past 20+ years, and there is no right or wrong side! I will say that I’m tired of it always sounding like we’re in this huge competition to see who can do what; who’s a better mother, who has a better career, who’s a better wife, or who’s a better woman! It’s not a competition. It’s not. We’re just a bunch of women doing what we can, or what we have to do, and trying to get what we want out of life.

What really got me was that in this particular post, the woman complained about all that she has on her plate: job, kids, housecleaning, etc. And I thought (and even commented to her) “where is the husband/father in all this?” Am I the only one not living in the 1950’s? They say “women can have it all”, but I didn’t know that meant that we’re supposed to actually do it all! Are we saying that our husbands are just hard working sperm donors, or what? My take is pretty simple: I didn’t make the child on my own, and I certainly didn’t hear any complaining about that part of it; so I definitely don’t want to hear any complaining about the responsibility for the child. And by responsibility I mean, changing diapers, feeding, bathing, dressing, rocking, nurturing, teaching, guiding, disciplining, chauffeuring, and just knowing what the hell is going on with the kid in general. I realize there are still couples who feel that the mother nurtures and attends to the technical care, while the father provides financially. I don’t. My children will be better people because they have a mother and a father who both attend to their needs. My husband can change a dirty diaper like nobody’s business, I can work hard to provide financially for our girls, and vice versa. There are no set lines or boundaries. They are his children as much as they are mine. Just because I’m female and more nurturing and emotional by nature does not mean that I should be the only one to provide the technical care of our children! My husband can offer them things that I cannot. He can teach them what a man’s role is (or can be), he can show them how grown men behave, what they can offer in a marriage and to their children, what they bring to a home. He has interests, hobbies, and personality quirks that I do not possess. He is showing them himself…..something that I cannot do for him. So as a society we’ve come to terms (most of us anyway) with the fact that women can work full time, have important careers, earn more money then their male partners, remain childless if they choose, have maids, etc, yet we haven’t been able to decide for sure if these same women should still be solely responsible for all the child care, house cleaning & cooking! I don’t get it.

Old Pictures, Fresh Memories

While I was in a picture posting mood....

Look who can barely hold her cheeks up in the bath. It's Livy!


Alexandria's first day of Kindergarten.....where has the time gone? (sniff, sniff)


"Ice-cream is GOOD, mommy!"


Alexandria graduated Pre-K four days after her little sister was born.

I Did It Again

Okay, so I’ve let the blogging slide again. What started out as just one week of covering half the night shift, has now turned into 5. But after Friday I am done. I’m going on vacation and never looking back!

We’ve been busy with softball season winding down, basketball camp last week, and Olivia starting gymnastics. Alexandria’s team won an important game on Friday so they will most likely be in the district playoffs now.

Here are few pics from this season (okay they’re really all from the same game……and someone else took them for me…and then sent them to me on Facebook). I will also try to post more pictures from now on, but seriously I can’t do much but work, sleep, and eat this week! And P.S.: That's her daddy as assistant coach in the last two pics.

Disney's Black Princess

So Disney is coming out with a new film starring a Black princess. My first thought is how great this is, and how long overdue! However, I quickly discovered that there is already controversy stirring among the Black community as to whether or not Disney is “about to vaporize stereotypes or promote them” with the movie’s characters. The movie is set in 1920’s New Orleans and the star of the show is the Black Princess Tiana. After reading this article, which discussed at length the various racial issues people are having with this movie, I definitely felt the urge to put in my two sense.
Here are some excerpts from the article that was published in the New York Times on May 31st. My comments are the words not italicized.

“The film, directed by Ron Clements and John Musker, two of the men behind “The Little Mermaid,” unfolds against a raucous backdrop of voodoo and jazz. Tiana, a waitress and budding chef who dreams of owning a restaurant, is persuaded to kiss a frog who is really a prince. The spell backfires and — poof! — she is also an amphibian. Accompanied by a Cajun firefly and a folksy alligator, the couple search for a cure.”
Pre screeners have found fault with “the prince’s relatively light skin color”. “Disney obviously doesn’t think a black man is worthy of the title of prince,” Angela Bronner Helm wrote March 19 on the site. “His hair and features are decidedly non-black. This has left many in the community shaking their head in befuddlement and even rage.” While I’m not exactly sure why a couple of mixed ethnicities in the year 2009 would bring out “rage” in anyone, I will say that because they’ve always given the White princesses a White male partner, it does come across as questionable as to why they would choose to give the Black princess a male partner of a different ethnicity……especially in the 1920’s. But, I do however applaud Disney for writing an interracial couple into one of their stories!

“Disney should be ashamed,” William Blackburn, a former columnist at The Charlotte Observer, told London’s Daily Telegraph. “This princess story is set in New Orleans, the setting of one of the most devastating tragedies to beset a black community.” Okay, I’m pretty sure Disney was just thinking of the cultural aspects of New Orleans, the jazz, the food, the strong Black communities, and how well they fit with their idea for the storyline.

Disney originally called her Maddy (short for Madeleine). Too much like Mammy and thus racist. A rumor surfaced on the Internet that an early script called for her to be a chambermaid to a white woman, a historically correct profession. Too much like slavery. I’m not so sure I understand this, because in the movie Aladdin, the character Ali lived on the streets and was looked down upon by royalty and considered to be not worthy of marrying a princess---which I’m guessing fits with the Arabian culture? Sooooo to have a Black woman living in the 1920’s South working as a chambermaid to a White woman…….I’m sorry, but I think that would be culturally appropriate for that time period. History is history, it can’t be re-written just because some of it isn’t pretty.

“people are really excited to see how Disney will handle her language, her culture, her physical attributes.” And, here’s where I have the biggest problem of all. Raise your hand if you think Snow White, Belle, or Ariel accurately portrayed the average White woman in regards to physical attributes, language, and culture. Anyone? I see no hands….. That’s because they didn’t. The average White woman is not 5’9 with 36-24-36 measurements, she does not speak grammatically correct at all times, and her culture is not that of Royalty. So why it is that people are getting their panties in a wad over whether or not Princess Tiana will accurately portray Black women? She’s not a real woman! She’s a Disney Princess, people! Big difference. The Disney princesses float around in monochromatic ballgowns, gloves, and heels; they wait for their Prince to save them from some treacherous fate. They say things like “oh my!”, and go on adventures while giggling carelessly with birds, dwarfs, and underwater sea creatures. So while I’m the first person to say that we are all one blood, and the color of our skin does not matter in terms of equality, I do agree that our unique heritages and cultures should remain significant to us. However, I definitely don’t think we need to rely on the characters of a Disney movie to help our children identify with their own heritage or culture. So to all of you who are putting all your hopes and dreams of breaking down racial stereotypes on this one little movie……don’t hold your breath. Princess Tiana can graciously take her place next to Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Belle, Ariel, Jasmine, and Snow White in Disney’s world of “these women don’t actually exist on planet earth”.

Saying "No"

I’ve been reading several posts on parenting written by Lindsay Ferrier, the Suburban Turmoil blogger. I love her posts by the way, she has opinions and is not afraid to voice them or use colorful language doing so. ANYWAY, after reading about five of them this morning, I was inspired to write another parenting post myself. Afterall, it’s something I not only deal with on a daily basis in my own life, but it’s something I have very passionate opinions and ideas about.

When Toddlers Say “No”

My daughter Olivia, who just turned three, seemed to breeze through her “terrible twos” with a minimal amount of damage. There was the jumping off of furniture, occasional fit throwing, hitting her sister, and of course, my all time favorite …saying “no” to any and all requests made by most any adult she encountered. However, some of our family members seemed to have a problem with this. My grandmother, one of my aunts (who is around us most often), my parents, my sister (you know, the “cool” aunt who has no children of her own), and even my dear husband (who’s supposed to be on my side) would tell Olivia she was “not allowed to tell us no”. Here’s my problem with that. Why on earth would you teach someone, anyone at any age, that they are not allowed to tell someone “no”. Are we trying to raise a people pleasing, peer-pressure bending, doormat of a person? Hell no! Not only that, but she’s TWO. She’s supposed to tell us “no”. It shows that she’s on the right track developmentally and right on schedule. She’s seeking autonomy; she’s learning that there just might be another option when someone is trying to get her to do something she doesn’t want to do. And guess what? This is totally okay with me. If she didn’t tell me no and completely complied with my every request I would……..well, probably be a little afraid, because that’s just not normal. Seriously, what child does that? I want her to have opinions, I want her to have her own idea of how things should go, and I want her to be comfortable with telling someone “no”.

That being said, I totally understand that even though I’m okay with her testing my authority, it does not mean that she is allowed to do whatever she wants, and it sure as hell doesn’t mean that I back off when she says “no”. I refuse to argue, I refuse to battle it out. I reaffirm what is okay behavior and what is not. For example-- Me: “Olivia get off of the coffee table please, because you could fall and hurt yourself”, Olivia: “no”, Me: walk over, get her down and say “you may not stand on the coffee table because it is dangerous and I don’t want you to get hurt”. Now usually I have to repeat this a few more times before she complies, and we do go through this fairly often (what can I say? she’s an active child and loves to climb and jump), but that’s just parenting. I think there are many ways to assert one’s authority…when necessary. But telling someone else they have no power to make a choice (i.e. telling them they can’t say “no”) is not an okay tactic in my book. Now if I could just get everyone else to see things my way…….oh, what a perfect world. LOL ;)

I'm Back!

I know you've missed me....... all two of you. I've been working a craaazy schedule at work, and the last thing I've thought about is blogging. I can barely keep up with DVR'ing The Real Housewives of New Jersey! The kids are out for summer, which means one month at home with Daddy (while his school and work schedule allows) and the rest of their summer days with Nana & Pawpaw. Good times. Meanwhile I get to schlep into work at 3AM and work till 5PM.
Good money, but oh so bad for the woman who loves sleep.

Anyway, I managed to type up a post on parenting this morning and I will post it soon-- not that any of you {if anyone really is out there}are holding your breath or anything!

Not Me!

Monday again? ugh.

I have NOT neglected by blog for 2 weeks…I have NOT only kept up with reading 2 of my regular faves for the past 2 weeks (somebody had to make sure Stellan got through his ordeal…. duh.)

I did NOT have 3 wisdom teeth yanked from my head last week and then suffer immensely in the aftermath…(sniff, sniff)…I am NOT just now recovering.

I did NOT unlock my office door at work this morning to find……(drumroll please)……a ROACH on my floor…No way! I work in a newly constructed building that is so modern, high class, and pristine; there’s no way we’d have roaches. NOT!

I am NOT actually wanting to get pregnant a third time, ALREADY. What’s wrong with me? I’ve got a clinical license to work on and a husband to finish school…

Wanna’ read what everyone else “didn’t” do? Check out MckMama's blog!

Stellan

This sweet baby is in surgery this morning....

Hannah Montana

Before I begin my rant……I just want to say we saw the movie on Friday and loved it!

Why the controversy? I'm so sick of reading and hearing about all the negative media surrounding this girl. There are girls her age that are pregnant, on drugs, boozing it up at parties, failing out of school; the list could go on and on. Yet here is this 16 yr old girl who had a dream of becoming a singer, had the parents who were able to get her in the door, and now she’s able to do something she loves for a living. I’m sorry, I’m confused where the problem lies. Some say she isn’t a good role model, well who labeled her as one? Did she ask to be the role model for every girl aged 5-15 in the world? I’m pretty sure that would be a daunting task for anyone from the First Lady to the Queen of England. If you don’t want your kid following her, emulating her, or aspiring to be like her then turn off the TV! I don’t want my 7 yr old emulating Carrie Bradshaw & Co., therefore she isn’t allowed to watch that particular show (or any R rated programming, but that’s beside the point)……it really is that simple, folks. I’m tired of reading articles bashing Hannah/Miley for no solid reason. So what if she parked in a handicapped spot to get ice cream, so what if she made some “diva-ish” comments? I’m sure we all do things like this on any given day; we just don’t have the paparazzi around to prove it. All of us except of course the journalists who write these articles, because only someone with that amount of perfection could so easily write an entire article slandering a 16 yr old girl for being……um, what should we call it? Oh yeah, a TEENAGER! I mean, why should every single mistake be called out? Because she’s in the public eye? That’s bullshit. MSN journalist Martha Brokenbrough states, “For a teen who knows she's in the public eye to do this sort of stuff suggests she's either none too bright or views herself exempt from normal consequences.” The media and the fans are the ones who place these people on pedestals and then have the nerve to act shocked and appalled if they do something human. While Miley Cyrus awkwardly endures her teen years in front of cameras and major scrutiny, she still manages to handle a full time career (with working hours that could put many of us to shame), take time out for her fans, and overall show that it’s okay to be yourself---your imperfect self.

In summation Brokenbrough says, “For now, Miley Cyrus continues to be a great role model for kids, but only in unintended ways. She shows that talent, wealth and beauty are superficial things, and are no replacement for character. She might not be learning much from her mistakes, but our kids can”. Are you fucking kidding me? Forget the fact that “talent, wealth and beauty” is what our society obsesses over and has since long before Miley Cyrus was even born; so putting that aside-- I’m not looking at Miley Cyrus to teach my kid lessons, that’s my job, you know the one she calls “mom”. I agree our children are influenced by what they are exposed to, yes. But as far as what exactly they’re exposed to, the frequency, and how the child interprets it? Parent’s job. My 7 year old LOVES Hannah Montana, but she’s clueless about the controversial sheet photo ,handicapped parking incident, or the slanted eyes picture. Why? Because my 7 year old doesn’t read MSN, gossip websites, or Vanity Fair magazine! The bottom line is our children are going to pick someone in the limelight to obsess over, and personally I’m okay with it being Hannah Montana. There are a lot worse out there to choose from.

Ever Since We Got a Chihuahua

Ever since we got a Chihuahua…..phrases like “your turn to clean it up”, “did you actually see her pee outside?”, “Alexandria! There’s dog crap in your sister’s room!”, and “she’s chewing on a Barbie shoe!” are now common everyday phrases in our household.

…We now all wear holy underwear and have had to throw several pair away……

Ever since we got a Chihuahua…The smell of Febreeze, Glade Plug-Ins, and Lysol are always wafting in the breeze at our home……

…My stress levels have risen…

Ever since we got a Chihuahua…I step into unidentified wet spots on almost a daily basis…and I now know exactly which brand of paper towels is best for soaking up dog piss…

…My blood pressure has risen....

Ever since we got a Chihuahua…I have stood on my back patio in my underwear many a night begging her to get in the grass and pee so we could go inside (where it’s warm)…

…My love for animals has declined……I no longer think puppies are cute…

...Ever since we got a Chihuahua…I have been witness to many disgusting events…such as a dog eating its own poop, vomiting, then eating the vomit (suppressing gag reflex as I type…deep breaths in through the nose…)

Ever since we got a Chihuahua, I have a greater appreciation and more love for my cats……who all live outside.

Olivia Grace

Our sweet soon to be 3 yr old! She fills our days with oh so many quotable quotes…I thought I’d share a few of my recent faves.

Olivia: “I have a booger in my nose, I can’t get it puz (because) it’s too heavy.”
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Me or Abel on any given day: “Olivia why did you snatch that toy from your sister’s hand?”, “Olivia why did you hit the dog?”, “Olivia why did you throw that across the room?”, “Why did you jump off of there? I told you that you would get hurt!”

Olivia: “puz I did”
(yeah, I’m really not sure why we continue to ask her “why” she does anything.)
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After being spanked on the bottom for doing something (can’t remember what):

Olivia: “I’m sorry you pank me, puz you did”.
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Repeating the ABC’s with her daddy:

Daddy: “P”

Olivia: “B”

Daddy: “no, P”

Olivia: “bees fly away”

Daddy: “no, the letter Peeeeee” (with extreme enunciation)

Olivia: “ohhhhhh-kaaaaay” (long pause) “sing McDonald now”

Daddy: (exasperated sigh) “fine”
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When caught trying to write on the wall with a pen:

Me: “Olivia! Stop! We don’t write on walls.”

Olivia: “we write on paper (exaggerating the word)”

Me: “that’s right. So go find some paper on your desk to write on”

Olivia: “I don’t, I write on walls”
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While in the store parking lot one day:

Olivia: “poo poo!!” (gales of laughter) “poo poos!”

Me: “Olivia, let’s not shout that out while we’re in a public place”

Olivia:” poo poos!” (followed by laughter again of course—because at the age of 2 this word is hilarious

Me: “look, no one is talking about poo poo right now”

Olivia: “I am”

Pobrecito

It Is What It Is

A complaint fest…so you’ve been warned. At least I summed it up nicely in a list format.

1) My insomnia. Never in my life have I suffered so. (Well that’s not true, but I felt it deserved some drama.) I never understood insomnia until recently. The past month or so I have been waking up around 3AM and I lay there, and lay there…….and lay there some more……wide awake. I think about work, the kids, my husband, and it goes on and on for about 1-2 hours. When I do fall back asleep it’s usually an hour away from the alarm clock going off.


2) American Idol contestant Alexis Grace being voted off. DUMB! This is why I stopped watching the show after the 2nd season. “America” votes to keep the ones who can barely carry a tune and vote off anyone with actual singing ability. It’s just annoying. I didn’t see her performance this week, but I can’t imagine that someone with her talent would have screwed it up that badly. I’m done with that show. Again.

3) I get really tired of the grocery stores pushing us from one holiday to the next so quickly that before you know it I’m 50 yrs old and I’ve celebrated a trillion holidays. I mean really, can I take my Christmas tree down before you start selling me valentine’s candy and Easter baskets? Can we hunt our eggs before we have to buy 4th of July paraphernalia or pumpkins for next Fall? Seriously. And why on earth are they already selling Easter cookies……packages and packages of Easter cookies in the bakery….. 4 weeks before Easter? Really? Is someone buying these and then feeding them to people a month from now? Awesome.

Monday, Again?

I actually started on the treadmill again this week. I walked for 20 minutes at a brisk pace. But no matter what anyone tells you, I most certainly did NOT attempt to run for part of that time! And if I had of, it would NOT have only been for 1 minute because my shins, calves, and lungs were on fire! Nope, didn’t happen.

I also did NOT take a practice licensing exam (for my profession) and only make an 80%........um, NO that would be embarrassing.

And, I have NOT been sitting here staring blankly at my computer for almost 30 minutes trying to come up with something else to add to this list……but because I’m soooooooooo tired my mind keeps drifting off on wild tangents...er, doesn’t.


Wanna’ read what everyone else “didn’t” do? Check out MckMama's blog!

Here We Go Again

I’m gonna’ have to talk about my church again. My latest gripe is that they are all seeming a little too judgmental these days. We recently started having bible study on Wednesdays and they have changed the Sunday sermon format to topic sermons rather then bible study sermons. Hallelujah! It’s about time. But after attending 1 Sunday and 2 bible studies since this change, I still find myself wondering……why do I want to attend a church where I don’t even agree with the majority of what comes out of the mouths of our preachers (yes, we have more then one)? I mean, not the Jesus is the son of God, bible verse stuff; but the whole “homosexuality is wrong”, “Catholicism is wrong” (my husband is Catholic by the way...and gay.....just kidding!). Anyway, it’s this superior attitude that comes out during these discussions…I’m sure they’re all well meaning folks, in fact I know they are. I’ve known most of these people my whole life. I just don’t get how they can’t see how judgmental they’re being. I don’t believe that only one church is going to Heaven, if I did I probably wouldn’t have married my husband! I think that you can have opinions without forcing your judgment on others. I also don’t like feeling judged because I don’t attend church on a regular basis. I’m sorry but sometimes in order just to function, I HAVE to lie in the bed past 8:30AM. And most importantly I don’t believe that God intends for us to judge one another so harshly!! Yes, we all do it from time to time, it’s human nature just like many other sins. But preaching judgment to your congregation??!! Come on now, that’s like putting a Kentucky Fried Chicken inside a Gold’s Gym! It’s just WRONG.

Can I Just Share?

My heart is still beating fast and my hands are slightly shaky….guess that’s the after effects of adrenaline coursing through my body. What happened you ask? Hahaha… oh, just some frightening silly phone conversation with a dipshit.
I’m sitting here at my desk innocently typing notes on the computer. Innocent, because I have no reason to be worried about any of my loved ones; the children were each dropped safely off at school this morning. No worries, right? Then I get a phone call.
I answer my cell phone to a number that was very similar to Hillcrest hospital phone numbers……

Man in a very urgent voice: “can I speak to the parent or guardian of Alexandria T*****?”

Me: my heart dropping to my stomach “this is she, this is her mother”. My mind is conjuring up all of the terrible images it can in approximately 20 seconds, which felt like minutes before he responded with…

Man: “this is her mother?”

Me: “YES!” Oh God, what happened to my baby?

Man: “I’m calling from Dr. Francis’s office here in Waco…”

Me: “Yes???” Oh my God, something terrible has happened to her at school and now I’m going to have to give consent for medical treatment over the phone!

Man: “she has a dental appointment with us tomorrow at such and such time and I’m just confirming…..”

Me: WHAT???? You scared the shit out of me to confirm a freakin dental appointment??? At this point I interrupt and say “OH, I thought you were calling from a doctor’s office about my child, you scared me”

Man: hesitation “no, um, I’m calling from the dentist…will you be here tomorrow?”

Me: Yes, you moron that’s why I made the appointment, so that we could SHOW UP TO IT! “yes we’ll be there”. Click.

You might call it paranoia, I call it motherhood.

Never Been a Fan of the Monday

I did NOT hit the snooze button a few extra times (like 4 or 5) this morning …and then arrive to work 15 minutes late....not that anyone noticed considering I DON'T do this quite often.

I did NOT let my children have unlimited amounts of caffeine and sugar during our trip to Dallas this weekend! Please, I am a way better mother than that.

I did NOT spend way too much money on frivolous things during said weekend.

I did NOT stay up way too late last night because I couldn’t put my book down…only geeky book worms do that!! Oh wait, I am a geeky book worm…nevermind.

Wanna’ read what everyone else “didn’t” do? Check out MckMama's blog!

Can anyone say DESENSITIZATION?

I was driving back to work from lunch when I noticed a bumper sticker on the diesel truck in front of me. It was one of those 9/11 memorial stickers that said “Let’s Roll” and had the American flag behind it. My first thought was “oh, that’s so outdated”. Then I immediately thought, “what’s wrong with me? How could I think that?”. I’m pretty sure the families that lost a loved one in the attacks that day, don’t think the memorials are outdated! And, I’m pretty sure that the family of the person who actually said “let’s roll” on the ill fated plane, doesn’t think the memorial stickers are outdated! So why was that my first thought? I’ll tell you. One word. Desensitization.

You know, that thing that causes us to not bat an eyelash when we see violence in the movies, or hear explicit sex jokes as part of a routine bit on prime time television; the thing that causes young children to see weapons as being toys rather then dangerous. The very thing that caused me to see a sticker memorializing a very tragic event (to say the least) and actually think to myself “oh, that’s so outdated”.

Not Me Monday

I do NOT occasionally peruse through my old posts, re-read and then edit them. Who would do that? That’s a tad bit anal.

I do NOT have trouble with comma placements, semi colons, and run on sentences (in case you haven’t noticed)…….no way. I have a college education; I should be able to write correctly!

I do NOT still carry around sheer hatred and resentment from Valentine’s Days gone by……… like jr high/high school days……..I’m definitely NOT a jaded woman.

I am NOT saying silent thank yous for the fact that my two morning appointments were no shows……(what can I say, it’s Monday)

Wanna’ read what everyone else “didn’t” do? Check out MckMama's blog!

Valentine's Day Confessions

These are rated G, I promise.

1)First of all, let it be known that I'm not a huge fan of V-day. I'm too practical to be okay with spending tons of money on flowers that die, candy that makes me fat, cards that get thrown away, and whatever else was invented just to sucker people into feeling like they have to overspend in order to prove their love!
That being said......

2)On Saturday, after a day of housecleaning for me and a long day at work for hubby, we all settled down with Popeye’s chicken and a movie that night.

3)On Sunday I took Alexandria to see ‘Coraline’ then we scoured the V-day leftovers (50% off thankyouverymuch) at HEB and got candy for all (plus 2 stuffed animals for 2 little girls) and spent a total of 10.00.

4)I had a no pressure, stress free, relaxing & fun Valentines weekend spending time with those I love. Afterall, isn't that what this silly little "holiday" is about?

Running While Fat

For a lot of years I kept a pretty busy schedule between classes, work, kids, schoolwork, housework, etc. Since August I have been enjoying the fact that I’m done with classes and schoolwork forever! Only now I realize that I’m a person that kinda has to stay busy. I seem to thrive on it. So…I thought about running. I know, I know. Me? A runner? Not likely unless there’s a fire, even then I’d probably just walk quickly. However I need something to work on; a goal, something to appease my ever waning attention span. Not to mention something to stop my ever growing midsection! Really, it’s time to face the fact that I’ve gotten fat. I stand at 5’10 so that actually helps camouflage most of the fat, but I can still see the rolls when I sit. Even while standing I look 3-4 months pregnant!

I have a treadmill in my bedroom but it’s always sort of been my husband’s treadmill. I mean he’s the one who has the luxury of saying “I’m hopping on the treadmill for a while” and having 30 minutes of uninterrupted exercise. Me on the other hand……(ha!) as soon as I get on I’m breaking up arguments between children, gasping for air while I threaten them with all kinds of things to get them out of the room while I exercise in peace kindly redirect them to seek out their father while I exercise. But, I think if I could work something out with dear hubby I could get in at least 15 minutes a night, which is a good start I think.

And, really, let’s face fact #2 here—I’ll never change my eating habits. Not completely. I will always eat hamburgers, pizza, Mexican food, donuts, white bread…(the list goes on and on people). And not to sound corny, but I seriously grew up a country girl who was served vegetables seasoned with pork, grease, butter, or cream; we would bread and fry chicken, fish, steak, pork chops and most of the time served it with gravy. How could I give that up? Food is good, food is great, I love it (herein lies my problem). I will never eat Kashi Lean with mandarin oranges for my breakfast and yogurt with a wheat bread sandwich at lunch. Won’t happen. I would be the meanest woman on the planet if I had to survive on that. But back to my original point (or did I have one?)……running. I need to at least give it a try. And if that actually happens, I’ll be blogging about in the near future. I know you’ll be waiting on pins and needles to hear what happens.

I Have To Admit It

I like the Duggar family! When I first saw their show on TLC and saw that they had 14 children and counting….I was beyond amazed. I thought, “who are these hillbilly, backwoods, occult religion member, baby machines?” So I only watched one or two episodes out of morbid curiosity. Quite a while after that I saw they were coming out with a new season of episodes, only at this point they had 16 or 17 children (can’t remember exact number, because she always has one on the way). So I watched them build a gigantic new house and have it decorated by some fancy decorator that I’m sure TLC paid for. Then mom gave birth to baby number a billion, or 16, 17, whatever it was. I thought hmmmm they seem pretty normal (other then their litter of kids), maybe they’re not in some weird religion that requires you to live in a compound...

So then much later, I heard on the news they had baby # 18 (or it’s on the way still, can’t keep track) and their oldest son was getting married. I kept seeing previews for “A Very Duggar Wedding” talking about how this kid hadn’t even kissed his bride to be, like ever. They were saving that for marriage. Um, okay. Whatever floats your boat. So you know I had to watch the show. I have to say it was actually very sweet and very touching. Putting aside the very bizarre facts--the amount of children they have, how many times she’s actually given birth, and what that must have done to her body, saving kisses for marriage, etc-- they are a very loving, caring family that seem……normal! And, I have to say I loved JimBob’s (the dad) marital advice; from the simple “resolve disputes before sundown”, to the surprisingly very insightful “women want to be heard and they will like to give you all the details, just listen to her and she’ll appreciate you for that”. I really appreciated his take on marriage and was kind of blown away by his insight into what women want in a relationship. I couldn’t help but think maybe this is why they have so many kids; who could keep her hands off a man who seems to understand so much?!

So despite their outdated appearances and atypical beliefs on physical contact before marriage (i.e. no kissing), I think we could all learn something valuable from this family………except of course birth control methods.(bud-up-bump)

Injustice

I am a regular reader of the ‘Women In Crime Ink’ blog, I generally find their stories pretty interesting. However, a few minutes ago I happened to read their latest post titled ‘The Injustice of Baby Grace’ and found it extremely unsettling {to say the least}. I foolishly ignored the warnings given on the subject matter, and details of “Baby Grace’s” death……now I just feel like puking, and I’m sitting at work fighting tears. How any mother could ever, ever treat her child this way I will never understand. Both mother and boyfriend should both live a very long, torturous life in prison. The fact that anyone who is physically capable of reproducing can become a parent is almost an injustice to life. It saddens me that these two people were even allowed to raise this child for the first two years of her life. It saddens me greatly that there are women who long to be able to give birth to their own baby but are incapable, yet women like the mother of Riley Ann Sawyers (aka Baby Grace) are able to give birth and care for their own children everyday……at least until something like this happens. I don’t understand the reasoning behind this; I don’t understand tragedies like this. Nothing makes me sadder then the thought of how an innocent child who so openly and purely trusts and loves can be so horrifically betrayed by their own mother.

The only consolation is that now that sweet, innocent baby girl is in Heaven and happy. She will no longer have to endure the injustice of being born to a horrible, unfit mother; a woman and her boyfriend who are really not even fit to be called human beings. And, I know that I’m going to go home today and hug my own children very tightly.

*I purposely didn’t link to any related articles or the blog post because I don’t recommend that anyone actually read the horrific details of Riley’s brutal murder.

Who Me? Not Me!

So I’ve been thinking hard all day and can’t really come up with stuff that I did this past week……however I CAN think of a bajillion embarrassing, hard to admit things that I do on a regular basis…..or DON’T do rather.

After a long day at work or a long Saturday of house cleaning, I do NOT give my kids their way if they whine hard enough or scream the loudest, whichever comes first. {You want a brownie for lunch? Fine, just quit whining and let me sit in peace for a moment!}

I do NOT only scrub my bathrooms once a month because I hate to clean after working a 40 hour week, yet can’t really afford a maid…..so yeah, I definitely do NOT disregard housecleaning on a regular basis.

My living room does NOT look like a toy store and laundry mat exploded in it at least once a week.

I do NOT verbally abuse our Chihuahua when I am alone with her. I wouldn’t do that, I love her so much! She’s the best dog ever!

I do NOT throw random trash out of my car window while driving down the highway, because I am too lazy to throw it in the trash when I get home. Who would do that?!

I do NOT find myself thinking, “please just shut up” when listening to some of my clients drone on and on about their problems……yeah, and I’ve NEVER thought how I’d rather be pulling my hair out, one hair at a time then listen to a Borderline Personality go on and on about their current issues…… and I’ve NEVER had to grip my pen so tightly just to keep a neutral expression on my face! NOT ME!

I have NOT been rooting for Britney Spears to make an awesome comeback……and I definitely didn’t buy her new CD Circus and listen to Womanizer just about everyday! No way, I’m too old for that.

I am NOT an avid reader of gossip magazines {in the grocery store checkout line anyway} and online celebrity gossip news………someone has to keep track of how many kids Brangelina has! But, not me of course.

Wanna’ read what everyone else “didn’t” do? Check out MckMama’s blog!

Rednecks, Chihuahuas, and Other Highlights of My Week

So my house has been crazy with illness all week; from stomach viruses to asthma/allergy issues. And, let me just say that I hate vomiting….not that anyone likes it…but I really, really hate it. Here are some other highlights of my week:

While sitting at a red-light, I noticed a bumper sticker some redneck had on his truck {and I say redneck because he had a sticker of a deer head on his truck, next to one that said ‘Ted Nugent for president’…so case closed.}, it read “Europeans call it socialization, Americans call it welfare, Obama calls it change”. Now maybe I’m reading this wrong (and if I am, just tell me) but it sounded like an insult to Obama and welfare. If so, let me just get on my soapbox here and start by saying that Obama did not create welfare, or the U.S. welfare system. He was just put into leadership of a country that already has this system in place, albeit a screwed up system, but a system already in place. Secondly, I don’t get the big complaint with welfare, helping each other out, or liberalism. Especially from people who claim to be Christians. I’m sorry, unless I learned from a different Bible, Jesus was a poor carpenter who sought out the sick and the poor to HELP them. But, sometimes I have to wonder if Republicans are somehow picturing Jesus as a stuffy old white man in an expensive suit that brings in a 6 figure income, who looked down his nose at others and talked out of his ass. I admit that our welfare system is badly in need of better management, especially since there are so many people who abuse it. But, in the meantime how can we punish those who are using the system like the stepping stone it was designed to be, just because there are some who truly are lazy? Bottom line: don’t complain about something you know nothing about, don’t put ridiculous Obama-hating stickers on your vehicles blaming him for everything wrong with this country, and if you’re going to have all these conservative ideas about welfare, fine--just please don’t play the Christianity card along with it.

We have a new Chihuahua puppy……that I hate. She was a Christmas gift for our 7 yr old, but also meant to be a family dog. I’m not sure what kind of crack we were smoking to 1) buy a dog for a 7 yr old, and 2) not consider that we’d be house training this dog in the WINTER. We take her outside, she sniffs around, sometimes pees, sometimes doesn’t. As soon as we go back in she pees (or worse) right on the floor. Only when it’s sunny, does she decide that she can pee outside. Little bitch. I hate her. She is stupid and untrainable. Last night, I reached my breaking point…… I found myself in my t-shirt, flip flops and coat (thankfully a long coat), with no contacts in (having been just about to get into bed), standing on our back patio, with freezing rain misting down on me, begging this dog to please do her business so we could go back inside. She on the other hand, thought this was some kind of really fun game where she just tries to sneak around me and get back on the patio to go stand by the door. When I finally give up and go in, she craps on the living room floor!!!!!!! For the 50 billionth fu**ing time!!!! I wanted to hurl her through a window. I have no patience to train a dog, I never have. I like the big goofy furry ones who just live outside. Or better yet, cats, who actually enjoy being clean. They don’t eat their own shit, vomit it up, and then eat their vomit. Cats are NORMAL!!! Lap dogs are too needy, they have long nails that scratch you, and they take more patience then Mother Teresa or Jesus ever had in order to house train! And I’m sharing this with you dear friends (or my 3 faithful readers) because I cannot say this to my 7 yr old, who seems to really like the stupid dog.

Last but not least, I have had an ongoing battle with a collection agency who claims I owe a 900.00 phone bill from 2000. I have disputed this with the credit bureaus as well as the collection agency. They are now asking me to fill out a fraud affidavit, have it notarized, as well as file a police report. Are you kidding me? File a freakin’ police report over a phone bill from 9 years ago??!! Wonderful.

Not Me Monday! Er, Tuesday.

I did NOT come to work this morning having spent 6 hours in the ER last night with my asthmatic child…..I did NOT only get approx 4 hours of sleep last night and around 5 the night before, and definitely DON’T have the bloodshot eyes to prove it.

I did NOT watch Clint Eastwood’s Gran Torino on a bootleg DVD that a relative gave us…… and I did NOT love every minute of Eastwood’s performance in that movie! Not me! I would never enjoy something illegal……

I did NOT call Merry Maids for price quotes because I am sick of cleaning..….no way, I love to clean!

And, last but not least…..I definitely did NOT just finish writing this post to then realize that today is Tuesday…..Monday has passed. I am NOT still posting this, because that would make it a “Not Me Tuesday” post. ???!!

Enjoy more "Not Me Monday" postings at MckMama's blog!

Now I'm Getting Pissed....

This week Olivia was moved to the younger 3 yr old classroom at her preschool, although she will not be 3 yrs old for another 4 1/2 months they felt this was a good move for her. Her teacher works 8-5 and so do I, this means I never see her teacher. However, I do still see her previous teacher with whom she is dropped off to every morning, and the “afternoon teacher” who is there when I pick her up. Here was the convo with the previous teacher this morning:

Teacher: Can you bring about 5 pairs of panties and an extra pair of pants up here for her?

Me: Okay, doesn’t she still have some panties here that I brought before?

Teacher: Well just a few, but if we had more we could work on getting her out of those pull ups. And maybe y’all could work with her at home too.

Me: {dumbfounded look} Um, Okay. {thinking how I need to speak with her regular teacher}

Teacher: Is she doing okay in her new classroom?

Me: She seems to be. But, I haven’t been able to talk to her new teacher, apparently she works the same hours I do.

Teacher: {disappointed look} Oh, well maybe I can tell her to write you a note or something.

So after reading what I just wrote, I’m thinking I guess you had to be there to understand the real frustration in it. This teacher (the one from the 2 yr old classroom) is in her 50’s and I’m sure she thinks I’m like 15 (because no one ever believes I’m 29 anyway) and stupid. I can’t believe she would have the nerve to tell me to practice potty training with my child at home!! No shit lady. Oh, we just thought we’d let you guys handle that, in fact why don’t you just take her home with you and raise her since you seem to know what’s best.

I’ve already expressed my views on pushing milestones in a previous blog and I’m not budging. Her pediatrician said around age 3 to be potty trained complete was perfectly fine and normal. Besides that, the child has very few accidents and has woken up dry just about every night in the past few weeks. The thing is this: they want to push kids through the classrooms so that they can bring more kids in, which to them equals more money. Well that’s all fine and dandy until you start pushing my kid to do something more then what she’s doing. I think she’s doing great, her pediatrician agrees. The end. I don’t need someone with an associate’s degree in child development to tell me what she thinks about my child whom I carried in my belly for 38 ½ weeks, delivered after 9 hours of labor, then nursed, cuddled, loved, cared for, and worried about round the clock by me for the last 2 yrs and 8 months.

Am I being defensive? Yes. Will I be setting up a time to speak with her current teacher? Yes. If that doesn’t work, will I be speaking to the director to figure out what their exact beliefs are on potty training? You bet.

*UPDATED* This post was written on Friday but never posted. I did speak with her current teacher this afternoon and she shares my views on potty training. Yay! She mentioned twice that she felt Olivia is actually doing very well with potty training in spite of still being fairly young. Hallaleujah...

Why Pray?

I grew up in a family that held hands and gave thanks at the dinner table (and not just on special occasions), around a mother and grandmothers that found their strength in prayer and faith, with a family that believed our lives were guided by God and that he always knew best….no matter what. Anytime life threw us a curveball, the adults would simply say “we’ll pray about it”. So I became an adult that prays over life’s challenges, over my marriage, my children; I’ve prayed for guidance on major life decisions, and I’ve put all my faith in God guiding me in the direction He wants me to go.

So why is it that I am sometimes reluctant to pray over certain things? I’ve seen God’s hand in just about every aspect of my life. I know He is there. But, when I want something that I think isn’t good for me, or not what God would want, I find myself almost refusing prayer. One of the hardest things to do is to pray for God’s will and truly mean it. {Especially when you’re a control freak like me.} I mean we all have our own ideas about what our lives should look like, but when you can hand it over to someone who knows all, sees all, created you, and has a special plan for you-- there is no greater feeling. Who better to be in control of your life?

So why do I hesitate to pray? Why are there things in my life that have been neglected? I’ll just say I’ve ignored a certain aspect of my life lately, hoping the problems would go away on their own. Why I chose not to just pray about it, I’m not sure. I think I already had my mind made up as to how it should all play out, and I was refusing to let God take over. I guess there comes a point when some of us have to realize the more we have to fight for control in a situation, the more the situation is actually controlling us. So as I sit here typing, I’m preparing myself to surrender……….AGAIN.