Being At Home

The past few weeks I’ve been at home with no job and no schoolwork to do. This is the first time this has EVER happened in my life, unless you count maternity leave in which I took six weeks each time (but who would count THAT as time off?!). Now that I’ve been hired (yay!) I start work on Tuesday. That gives me 5 more days to experience this amazing “not having to be anywhere at any specific time” feeling. Granted, I still have a two year old to care for during the day and another child to get ready for school each morning-- but that’s a piece of cake compared to some of the schedules and demands I’ve had over the past few years. Here are some things I’ve realized during this time off:

1) I’m not cut out to be a stay at home mom. I’ve kind of known this for a while, but these past few weeks just confirmed it. I hate to clean, I get bored with routines, I don’t have a structured day for my children, and I don’t do anything fun and stay- at- home- momish like arts and crafts. And, just to clarify—I’m not knocking the job at all. Because (not to quote Oprah) but being a mother is the hardest job in the world. I happen to know a few stay at home moms, they chose that path for different reasons and they are great at it! It’s just not for me.

2) My favorite part of the day is about 8-8:30 in the morning. I watch Golden Girls reruns on Lifetime and I think about what’s to be done that day (cleaning, errands). It feels really good to know that the day can be whatever I make it. I don’t have any appointments, I don’t have to answer to anyone (except my two year old), the day holds promise and it feels great!

3) It’s REALLY hard to keep a 2 year old entertained…..safely. Why do they like to climb onto furniture and then jump off?! Why do they eat random things? Why do they love to go into their big sister’s bedroom while she’s at school? Why do they write on furniture and walls? Why do they dip things in the toilet? I don’t know! Okay, really I get that they’re exploring and learning. I’m just glad that I don’t work at a preschool.

So back to the grind on Tuesday, but hopefully it will be more exciting earning a paycheck this time around. Because I’ll be doing what I’m passionate about! So when I find myself missing these relaxed days, and I’m sure I will every now and then, I’ll have to remind myself of what I learned.

Is There Anything She Won’t Eat?

Olivia started off in this world by eating colostrum (the stuff that comes before breast milk) and then at some point my milk came in and she ate that. But by day two of her life whatever was coming out of my breasts at that point proved to not be enough for her appetite. So we were supplementing with formula from the start. Breast milk ended at 6 weeks, baby cereal began at 4 months, followed by baby food at 6 months. All table foods were eaten by 10-11 months minus strawberries, nuts, eggs and seafood (just to be safe). Some of her fave table foods are broccoli, carrots, spaghetti, cheese, turkey, and bacon. She has always been a good little eater. Meaning that she eats pretty much everything she’s given. That being said…..

…starting at the age of around 1 year old…….she has eaten cat food, dirt, actual pieces of grass, other family member’s chewed up gum from the trashcan, food that has fallen on the floor in various parts of the house, Rolaids (about 4 of them), and literally drank toilet water that she dipped out with her potty chair bowl. NOW. I have to say, I PROMISE we do watch our children. She is supervised! But, as you may well know some toddlers just love to put things in their mouths and can do it in a millisecond. The grosser you think it is, the funnier she thinks it is. I have seen her bend over and touch a mud puddle outside and then lick her hand. She has put filthy disgusting shoes in her mouth, tasted rocks and sticks, eaten candy with the wrapper still on it, eaten crayons, and once (that we know of anyway) she ate a coin. All I can do at this point is to NEVER buy any type of poison, keep all cleaners out of sight and up high, and hope she grows out of it soon. Maybe I’ll go with my mother’s reasoning, “she’s a tactile learner”.

The Mother of a Second Grader!

I’m not sure yet what this year will look like or how it will go, but no matter what I am officially the mother of a second grader! And I feel old. But I’m not! I gave birth to Alexandria at the ripe old age of 22 making me one of the younger moms. But, I’m used to that by now. It’s hard to believe my first born is almost halfway through elementary school! It really does seem like not that long ago that I was dropping her off at daycare for the first time at 2 yrs old. I remember so vividly hearing her scream “mama” as I made my way down the hallway and out of the building. Then a year later when I started her at a new preschool here in Waco… her little three year old legs were shaking because she was nervous and I held her hand until the very last minute. I drove out of the parking lot with tears in my eyes. It’s the huge paradox of parenting. We hold on so tightly to protect, love, and teach only in the end to be able to let go.

So Kindergarten started much the same, she was nervous and I held her hand until the last minute. Then when she started first grade, she was also starting at Axtell (where she’ll be the rest of her school years). Abel and I were both able to take her that first day. She went in, we spoke to the teacher, she found her seat and smiled at us. We hugged her and told her to have a good day and left. I saw a few moms lingering and taking pictures and a stab of guilt hit me. Then I thought, “well, we’ve been through this a few times already”, “she knows she goes to school and we’ll be here to get her at the end of the day”. She’s okay.

I’m expecting the first day of second grade to go the same way. And, this time she’ll see old friends when she enters the classroom. I’m not sure what this year will be like for us. I know first grade was filled with an hour of assigned homework every evening, PTA performances, field trips, and disputes with friends on the playground. I’m thinking second grade will be much the same…. but with harder math.

Near Death Experience? Or Just a Moment of Reflection?

So you know how people say that when they've had a near death experience, their life flashes before their eyes? Well here’s the experience I had on Tuesday evening.

We had decided to go to the movies and leave Olivia with my mother in law this time (see previous blog). There were storm clouds here but nothing menacing or seemingly dangerous. As we drove into Bellmead there were black clouds and lightening but it looked as though it would clear up the further we drove into Waco. Just as we passed the turkey plant on Lakeshore the rain started pouring down so fast and so hard we couldn’t see the road and we could barely see the car ahead of us. Abel slowed down to 30 and then the rain got even harder. We literally couldn’t see anything; it was as though someone was pouring buckets of water on our windshield. The car did a slight fishtail and all I could think was we were going to plunge over the side of the road. He couldn’t pull over because you couldn’t see the lines on the road to even know where the shoulder was. All he could do was steer blindly and hope that no one else crashed into us or that we didn’t drive off the road.

What made the experience worse was that my children were in the backseat. Although thankfully they were somehow oblivious to the danger and I could hear Olivia giggling. I felt helpless and not in control…which I hate. I started panicking which turned into an actual panic attack, making it the second one I’ve ever had in my life. My hands were shaking, my lips were quivering, and I couldn’t even look up. I covered my face and prayed. Tears dripped down my face in silent prayer. We went on for what seemed like forever but probably just 5 minutes of blind driving. I prayed over and over again for my children to come out of it safely. And then here’s the part where I guess some people would think about their life. What I thought about was the things I’d done that I was sorry for. I didn’t go through all of them mind you (there wouldn’t have been time haha); just the most recent things that I wasn’t too proud of or felt bad about. I thought it was interesting that of all the things that could have flashed before me---family, wedding day, births, happy times---I thought about what I was sorry for. Wonder what that says about me? Do I somehow think that if something bad happens to me it’s punishment for the wrong things I’ve done? Or maybe I watch too much TV and I just assume that people really flash through those events when they think they might die. Or maybe I’m just over analyzing (I have been known to do that).

Tolerance

My mom and I took the girls to see 'Kit Kittredge: American Girl' at the dollar movie last week. Well really we were taking Alexandria, since Olivia is 2 and probably wouldn’t watch much before falling asleep. We’ve taken her to a few movies recently and she was fairly well behaved as opposed to last summer when she was not movie theater age. About 10 minutes into the movie it was apparent that she was not going to be subdued that easily. Now keep in mind this is the dollar movie, so we only paid 1.50 each and there were only three other families in the theater. One family who was sitting behind us consisted of a man in a dress shirt and slacks, his wife, who was also wearing somewhat dressy attire (especially for the dollar movies) and their three children who were, (yep you guessed it!) also dressed up. I only mention this because if you frequent the dollar movie you’d know they probably seemed out of place to begin with.

Now as soon as Olivia started talking out loud we were hushing her and trying to distract her, but for anyone whose spent any time around a two year old, you know that sometimes they are just not hushed or distracted. Well apparently the fashionably dressed woman behind us was ssshhhing Olivia every time she would talk but I never heard it, my mother told me this much later. So at one point I took her out of the theater to try and get her back in movie mode so we could go back in. When I re-entered we sat at the back, because the last 6 rows were empty. Olivia continued to occasionally talk but let me just say, 1) This was a kid’s movie-meaning you didn’t have to pay attention to every detail and clue to solve some big high drama mystery and I think the general audience understands that at kid’s movies there may be kids talking out loud. 2) She wasn’t talking non stop, she would just occasionally bust out with some random question really loudly.

SO. Back to the hoity-toity lady behind us with her snooty looking fam. She gets up like an hour into the movie and heads to the bathroom but on her way, stops by me and says with a phony smile “you might want to take her out, she’s being pretty disturbing” and kept walking. Then I had one of those moments that I have every now and then. Where someone confronts me and I stand there shocked with my mouth open, thinking I should say something but no words come to my mind. I think I may have even nodded dumbly. I could feel my face turn red, I could feel myself getting angry and defensive. How dare this woman tell me my sweet baby girl is being “pretty disturbing”? How dare she think she had the right to tell me this? Afterall she only paid a buck fifty to get in. So I get up, pick Olivia up, because she was standing in the aisle, and walk to the door. Then the stubborn part of me who never likes to do what other people tell me to do, stood there, not being able to open the door. I contemplated just standing at the back of the theater until the woman came back, just so she could see that I didn’t have to do what she wanted. But, then Olivia was really chatting it up at this point since we were standing so close to the exit. So we stepped out and stood right by the theater door. The woman returned from the bathroom and I didn’t even look up, I pretended to be reading the movie poster. She said “thanks, I have two of my own so I understand” and then she tried to touch me on the elbow in a friendly gesture. But, I didn’t even look at her, I didn’t respond at all. I just stared at the poster. She went back inside and Olivia and I spent the last 40 minutes of the movie sitting outside waiting for my mom and Alexandria. I was soooo angry. I was angry that I couldn’t voice all the retorts that I so cleverly came up with after the fact. Why did she say she understood? She clearly didn’t or she would have been able to tune out the ramblings of a two year old in the middle of a kid’s movie. And, as much as I hate to admit it, I was angry with Olivia for being loud and not minding. But, then it wasn’t her choice to go to the movies. So I think this was a good lesson in being tolerant of those around us. I should have tried to be more tolerant of this woman (that I tried to vaporize with my death stare after the movie let out), and she should have tried to be more tolerant of my sweet angelic 2 yr old. Okay so she’s not really angelic but she’s just a little person! And she wanted to talk!

Family Planning

When deciding to have children we not only question how many kids to have but how far apart they should be. I’ve determined that it comes down to two deciding factors. Either we make it easier on ourselves, as parents, or we make it easier on our children. Here’s what I mean: When you have children that are 4 years apart or more, like mine, you are essentially making it easier on yourself as a parent.

1) You don’t have more then one child in baby stages, making it easier to give time, energy, and attention to the one you have.

2) For working moms-you don’t have to pay for daycare for more then one child at a time.

3) You don’t have two teenagers in the house at the same time (this one is self-explanatory).

4) You pay for one car and one college education at a time.

Now, when you have children that are 3 years apart or less you are basically making things easier for them.

1) Being closer in age, they may feel closer and more bonded to their siblings. Especially if you have more then two children, because then there won’t be siblings that are 8 or more years apart.

2) They will most likely have more in common with each other.

3) Better chance of them being a support system for each other as they grow since they are hitting life stages around the same time.

Now I realize there are definite benefits to parents for having children closely together and there are definite negatives to having children further apart. But when I think about whether or not I want more children and when I should have them, it reminds me of all the reasons I planned for at least 4 years between Alexandria and Olivia. And, I can’t help but wonder sometimes if in my selfish planning I’ve made things harder for them as sisters.

Yet another reason...

why it’s easier to finish college BEFORE you have children….

One Saturday I was working peacefully on a paper for my Family Theories class (and I say peacefully only because the children were in the other room in front of a movie), when the girls asked for some cereal. I got up and quickly fixed a bowl of milk and cheerios for Alexandria and a cup of dry cheerios for Olivia. When I left out of the room the box of cereal and the jug of milk had been put safely back in their proper places.

About 20 minutes later, when I was up to my elbows in theories, models and family assessments, I hear Alexandria yell out “Mom! Olivia spilled her milk”……it took a few minutes for that to register, and I thought “Olivia didn’t have any milk”. But then by this point they were fairly quiet again and so I did what any good mother/student under a deadline would do……. I kept typing. A little while later when I got to a decent stopping point, I went to go check on the girls (don’t worry I knew they were still alive because I could hear them talking—a mother only panics when things are SILENT). When I walked into the living room, I literally gasped. Cheerios. Everywhere. And I mean everywhere. Spilled milk. On the carpet. I was amazed at the amount of cheerios that could be flung about in a short time by one little two year girl. (see pictures-look closely at the one on the far left, you can see hundreds of tiny cheerios)

So of course they had to clean up the mess and then sat in time out--Olivia for throwing cheerios and Alexandria for bringing the cereal and milk into the living room. Oh yes, she brought the whole box of cheerios and the whole jug of milk into the living room.

I never did get the full story, but from what I can figure Olivia was throwing handfuls of cheerios into the air like confetti and then the milk was spilled because…..well because she’s 2 and there was a jug of milk next to her. Still not sure if Alexandria joined in on the “confetti” throwing or if she was too engrossed in the television to know what was happening around her, but either way she knew better then to bring it all in the living room.

Moral of the story: Finish school before you have kids because they WILL demolish your house while you are typing papers.

Wal Mart

Originally written July 21st

As some of you may know--my husband, upon ending his military career, took a job with the Wal-Mart Distribution/Return Center here in Waco a year and a half ago. For those of you who know someone who works for the multi-billion $ giant or for those of you who shop there, check out the documentary that was done in 2005. It’s called “Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price” and occasionally still airs on HBO even now. I would say it’s an eye-opener, especially for those of us who believed that Sam Walton was a good man who just happened to turn his store into a billion dollar retail chain. The documentary discusses such topics as charity, for example how all the “charity” and donations Wal-Mart claims to provide to their local schools and communities, that money actually comes from the paychecks (and the giving hearts) of the Wal-Mart employees. Not from the billions of dollars of profit that the Walton family earns each year. And while the Distribution/Return center is one of the few places in Waco that offer a decent pay rate, especially for those who have only a H.S. diploma or less, they are very shady. 1) They have NO written policies. 2) If an accident occurs you are not allowed to fill out an incident report without being written up first. Just something to think about the next time you go shopping to "save money and live better".

Some People.....

Originally written July 17th

I had a classmate the other night who voiced a concern during her presentation. She mentioned that she was reading her niece’s Texas history book and was concerned by the lack of black people in the book. She then stated that she was from Mississippi and there were lots of black people in their state history books. Now remember this is a graduate level class. But I wanted so badly to say “Helloooo! Texas belonged to Mexico and I’m pretty sure (now this is just a guess), but I’m pretty sure that there weren’t many black people in 1800’s Mexico”. I could be wrong. But, that might be why there aren’t a lot of black people in our history. Furthermore, there are generations of black families who have lived in Mississippi for years. This could be why there was great mention of them in the history of that state. She was also implying that Texas purposely left out the black people in their history books. As if that is really something the textbook writers and publishers would allow to happen in 2008. History is history. We cannot change it. And if you’re getting an advanced degree at a University you might want to study up on it before you make ignorant comments in front of your classmates.

Ethnicity

Originally written July 17th

I have a bone to pick with the way this country classifies ethnicity. Let’s start with the term African American used for all people with black skin. What if they are from Jamaica? Or the Dominican Republic? Do we still refer to them as African American? Or what about the white skinned people who live in South Africa? If they move here, do we still refer to them as African American, because that would probably be confusing. Here’s my suggestion for classifications. Black (non Hispanic), Black/Hispanic, White (non Hispanic), White/Hispanic, Asian, Native American. With a higher rate of interracial relationships and bi-racial children, I also believe we should be able to check more then one box on these things. Things just aren’t that black and white anymore (hahaha). Furthermore, I have a huge problem with people who assume all white people come from the same culture. Yes, we may all be white skinned, but we come from oh so many different cultures because we have so many different heritages. I don’t mind being referred to as white because as I mentioned before, you cannot always tell someone’s heritage just by looking at them. Which brings me to the term Hispanic. Some “Hispanics” are up in arms about this terminology (my father in law particularly), there have even been t-shirts made condemning the term. But wouldn’t someone be angrier if they were referred to as Cuban when they are really Mexican? Or Puerto Rican when they are Cuban? Or vice versa? Just a thought.

Welcome!

I started blogging on MySpace and then decided I didn’t have time to do anymore blogging. But, I knew when I did have time again I wanted to blog on a blog site. So in anticipation of that I have several posts that I starting writing a few weeks ago here and there when I had time. I chose the name ‘Random Thoughts by Jennifer’ because I think that’s exactly what they are. Random. My mind is constantly working, constantly analyzing and yes, I’ll admit it, sometimes judging. For as long as I can remember I’ve had an opinion……about everything. Some stronger than others. My purpose is not to offend but simply vent, share, maybe educate but probably just provide entertainment for those who are really, really bored.