So I get that women fought long and hard for equality and certain “freedoms”. I got that whole message growing up that I could pursue a college education, a career, AND get married and have babies. And I’m all for equality and freedom. But here lately I’m realizing that this whole careerwoman/mom/wife combo isn’t exactly a freeing experience. I mean, 40 hr work weeks, small children, husbands, and this supposed “me time” that everyone says we need…um really??? I mean, so just to get this whole “having it all dream” straight here-- along with keeping groceries in the house, paying bills, wiping snotty noses, doling out vitamins, scheduling appointments, checking homework, laying out school clothes, disciplining, setting rules, teaching my children how to be a person in this world, having quality family time, trying to have an actual meaningful career, being a wife (which has it’s own separate sub list trust me), I’m also supposed to fit in…date night with my man, girls night out with friends, and time alone to replenish myself?.... are you fucking kidding me?
Now I’m not saying that in my marriage and my family unit, I’m the only one who does everything. My husband and I definitely co-parent & he handles other daily tasks…it’s just…I don’t know…I feel like I took some big superwoman test and failed miserably. Intellectually I know that I can’t be all to everyone, and not to sound so conceited as to think that I AM everything to everyone, I’m not. I’m just saying that even though I know that out of that long list something is gonna get left out or not get my full attention I still continue to feel guilty; I still have feelings of inadequacy. And I don’t always get to choose what that something is either. Sometimes shit just happens and I’m left standing there going oh yeah I forgot to pay daycare last week, or oops the car is way overdue for an oil change; then sometimes I knowingly push certain aspects of my life aside because I’m too overwhelmed and I think they’ll be okay, or that will keep for now. I mean, we all know that even day to day tasks and regular maintenance on a car, house, parenting & marriage can be daunting at times for anyone. But sometimes a person can feel like they are suffocating in it all even when they have a partner. And that partner can end up feeling like they are quite insignificant to the other person.
I don’t know what it is exactly that causes women to believe that they can juggle all of these things on a daily basis and still be okay. I don’t know why we have these expectations not only for ourselves but for each other. I’ve often heard women tell one another “you know how it is, we gotta be supermom”, or “well as women we just have to figure it all out” or “women are miracle workers”.... I don’t know, all I’m sayin is that some days that whole “barefoot and pregnant” idea doesn’t seem so archaic. Women who juggle full time jobs and careers, children, husbands, etc have more on their plate then they could ever handle with all the love and care needed in a lifetime. When I was in college I read about a study on women who talked about how their “dream” had been to “have it all” (i.e. career & family) and how it was so "fulfilling". However, the study also showed that these same women were unable to deal with stress as easily as the other women, and in general seemed to be the most frustrated and most unsatisfied with life. It just seems like there should be a middle ground somewhere, there has to be. I mean women went from having no real place in society to being overloaded so much so that we have self help books and discussions on Oprah about how to multi-task and “filling your own glass”. How do we even survive the lives that we create for ourselves with these kinds of expectations? And why is it that we continue to create lives that are so busy we often neglect the people that mean the most to us? I'll tell you why -- because we continue to be lured into this "dream" that is actually just an illusion.
It’s Friday!
2 days ago
