Near Death Experience? Or Just a Moment of Reflection?

So you know how people say that when they've had a near death experience, their life flashes before their eyes? Well here’s the experience I had on Tuesday evening.

We had decided to go to the movies and leave Olivia with my mother in law this time (see previous blog). There were storm clouds here but nothing menacing or seemingly dangerous. As we drove into Bellmead there were black clouds and lightening but it looked as though it would clear up the further we drove into Waco. Just as we passed the turkey plant on Lakeshore the rain started pouring down so fast and so hard we couldn’t see the road and we could barely see the car ahead of us. Abel slowed down to 30 and then the rain got even harder. We literally couldn’t see anything; it was as though someone was pouring buckets of water on our windshield. The car did a slight fishtail and all I could think was we were going to plunge over the side of the road. He couldn’t pull over because you couldn’t see the lines on the road to even know where the shoulder was. All he could do was steer blindly and hope that no one else crashed into us or that we didn’t drive off the road.

What made the experience worse was that my children were in the backseat. Although thankfully they were somehow oblivious to the danger and I could hear Olivia giggling. I felt helpless and not in control…which I hate. I started panicking which turned into an actual panic attack, making it the second one I’ve ever had in my life. My hands were shaking, my lips were quivering, and I couldn’t even look up. I covered my face and prayed. Tears dripped down my face in silent prayer. We went on for what seemed like forever but probably just 5 minutes of blind driving. I prayed over and over again for my children to come out of it safely. And then here’s the part where I guess some people would think about their life. What I thought about was the things I’d done that I was sorry for. I didn’t go through all of them mind you (there wouldn’t have been time haha); just the most recent things that I wasn’t too proud of or felt bad about. I thought it was interesting that of all the things that could have flashed before me---family, wedding day, births, happy times---I thought about what I was sorry for. Wonder what that says about me? Do I somehow think that if something bad happens to me it’s punishment for the wrong things I’ve done? Or maybe I watch too much TV and I just assume that people really flash through those events when they think they might die. Or maybe I’m just over analyzing (I have been known to do that).