Excuse Me, Is Your Daddy Home?

This was inspired by the controversy over this article.

First of all, I’m not going to even bother addressing the actual argument in the above mentioned article. This topic has been debated among women for the past 20+ years, and there is no right or wrong side! I will say that I’m tired of it always sounding like we’re in this huge competition to see who can do what; who’s a better mother, who has a better career, who’s a better wife, or who’s a better woman! It’s not a competition. It’s not. We’re just a bunch of women doing what we can, or what we have to do, and trying to get what we want out of life.

What really got me was that in this particular post, the woman complained about all that she has on her plate: job, kids, housecleaning, etc. And I thought (and even commented to her) “where is the husband/father in all this?” Am I the only one not living in the 1950’s? They say “women can have it all”, but I didn’t know that meant that we’re supposed to actually do it all! Are we saying that our husbands are just hard working sperm donors, or what? My take is pretty simple: I didn’t make the child on my own, and I certainly didn’t hear any complaining about that part of it; so I definitely don’t want to hear any complaining about the responsibility for the child. And by responsibility I mean, changing diapers, feeding, bathing, dressing, rocking, nurturing, teaching, guiding, disciplining, chauffeuring, and just knowing what the hell is going on with the kid in general. I realize there are still couples who feel that the mother nurtures and attends to the technical care, while the father provides financially. I don’t. My children will be better people because they have a mother and a father who both attend to their needs. My husband can change a dirty diaper like nobody’s business, I can work hard to provide financially for our girls, and vice versa. There are no set lines or boundaries. They are his children as much as they are mine. Just because I’m female and more nurturing and emotional by nature does not mean that I should be the only one to provide the technical care of our children! My husband can offer them things that I cannot. He can teach them what a man’s role is (or can be), he can show them how grown men behave, what they can offer in a marriage and to their children, what they bring to a home. He has interests, hobbies, and personality quirks that I do not possess. He is showing them himself…..something that I cannot do for him. So as a society we’ve come to terms (most of us anyway) with the fact that women can work full time, have important careers, earn more money then their male partners, remain childless if they choose, have maids, etc, yet we haven’t been able to decide for sure if these same women should still be solely responsible for all the child care, house cleaning & cooking! I don’t get it.