Peace

I am on a journey to find inner peace. I have found myself on an emotional roller coaster, the highs are so high, and the lows have been pretty low. A friend recently described it as “peace, hell, peace, hell, peace, hell…heartache”; she’s a wise and insightful lady. I feel as though I have done, and am doing everything in my power to get out of this state of emotional turmoil. I started working out (and believe me sweating works wonders!!!), I’ve done things to feel better about myself physically, I’ve tried to focus on my blessings (i.e. my children), I’ve taken on new opportunities career wise. All these things I’ve done to try and smother the pain. Thing is that it isn’t just pain; it’s sadness, anxiety, harsh reality, the sting of memories, the loss of what could have been, the loss of what was (albeit a very long time ago), uncertainty for the future, the feeling of having the ground pulled out from under your feet and trying to find your footing again in unknown territory. That last statement is probably the best explanation: Finding my footing.
Coincidentally as all this is going on in my life I am working on my clinical licensure. Through that I have learned that ultimately the best way to deal with emotional turmoil is to figure out whatever your internal conflict is, and learn how to integrate it into your life. This way your defenses can come down some, and you don’t feel the need to constantly fight against the pain every day. So integration……… how does one do that?? I guess it would be different for everyone, but this is what I’m working on now. I call it “finding inner peace” which just sounds prettier.