"Emotional horror", she said. I thought I understood, but I just wasn't in the right place to fully grasp it. "I've felt that bad before", I kept thinking.... "so what could be worse?". Little did I know.
It's a state of limbo. Not belonging anywhere. Stuck in a past I no longer wanted, yet afraid to move too far ahead. Making concrete decisions, but unable to fully let go. Emotional horror. Bittersweet & promise; caught in the in between. Afraid to allow hope and excitement to stay; heavy laden with guilt. Unsure of what I'm clinging to, but the cold realizations that I'm still clinging. Emotional horror. Speaking so casually about a life I've never known, someone else's life, wait....my life. Surreal. Waves of confusion, anger, hurt, then more guilt. The changes come fast, but painstakingly. It starts to feel like torture, then I catch a glimpse of light. I take another step forward. I glance back; my heart hurts. Emotional horror.
hello
3 days ago
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