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The only way to leave a crossroads is to choose a direction. In other words, I'm fucked for now.

Why

“But why can’t you give it another chance now that everything is the way you always wanted?”

Why do people ask me that?

Do they not understand that everyone has their breaking point? You get tired of standing around waiting and hoping that one day it will be different. Thinking that if you just keep trying, keep moving forward out of sheer love, that something will change. Telling yourself whatever you can to shove the hurt feelings down deeper cause experience has taught you that it does no good to voice them. At some point you stop waiting. At some point you realize you’ve given it all you can. And who is anyone else to tell you otherwise? Are you not the expert on you? Can someone else really tell you when you’ve done your best? So just because other people have decided that now they want to stop and really listen, that means that up to this point you haven’t given it a fair shot? Then what the fuck was I doing all those years beating my head against a brick wall?? Was my mistake in that I didn’t realize my audience wasn’t receptive? I was supposed to wait till you were ready to hear me… is that what you’re saying?
Hmmmm… this is kinda like that question, “if a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it does it really make a noise?”…. I can tell you now I was screaming it at you. You may not have heard me, but I was. You’ll just have to take my word for it, kick yourself for not listening, and move on.

Lock Down

I've decided to make my blog a little more secure, and only allow certain readers. I'll be sending an email out to my friends that I know read this occasionally, but if there's anyone else out there reading this right now, and that wants to be able to continue just email me and let me know that you want access... no problem! I've noticed on my feedjit that I occasionally get some readers from places that I'm pretty sure I have no friends or family... of course it could be totally accidental that these people stumble onto this blog, read it and think "what the hell is this girl talking about??" and move on quickly... but if that's NOT the case, and you want to continue reading just email me. :)

jennt79@gmail.com

A Real Woman

Smart enough to make plans, and always have a backup

Wistful enough to hang on to old dreams

Clever enough to get what she wants

Insightful enough to know the difference in what she wants and what she needs

Gentle enough to wipe tears, kiss softly, and whisper words of love

Tough enough to say what she really thinks, how she really feels, and not give a damn if anyone agrees

Honest enough to leave the game playing to children

Intuitive enough to know when her guard can really come down

Faithful enough to praise Him in the midst of despair as well as joy

Strong enough to carry those that need her

Willing to sacrifice for those she loves

Courageous enough to hear her voice rise above the rest

Humble enough to stand in the background

Brave enough to stand alone

Confident enough to share her beauty

Wise enough to know when to seek and when to be sought

Pure enough to love with her whole heart