Perhaps?

I think I’m quite possibly entering a zen like state.  It’s either that or I’m going numb.  But definitely pulling for zen. 

The New Ideal

I think I want the same things in a man that other women want; physical attraction, compassion, some kind of intelligence, sense of humor, goal oriented.

But I’m definitely starting to realize that maybe there are some “basics” that should outweigh all of the above.

1) Do what you say you’re gonna do, and if for some reason you can’t then offer a legit explanation.

2) Try to see things from other people’s perspective every now and then.

3) When you screw up say you’re sorry.

4) Take care of your woman. Even if she’s independent & strong. Even if she says she doesn’t need you to. Take care of her.

5) Handle your business, and be a self sufficient adult.

6) Just be honest....it's much easier in the long run.

7) Be a man.

A V-day Promise

I keep thinking I’ll dread this Valentine’s Day; it will be my first one in 13 years without a “Valentine”.  I had almost decided to detest the red sparkly hearts already adorning places of business, and the whole aisles at the grocery store devoted to this love fest.  But then I kinda realized that I wasn’t that sad about it afterall.  There’s this thought that keeps surfacing to the forefront of my mind every time I have one of these fits of nostalgia or start to feel down because I think I’m the last one on earth to find real love.  That thought is this: I would rather be alone and in love with myself & my life then to be in another unfulfilling relationship like the one I had. 

So this Valentine’s Day I’m making a promise to myself.  I will, of course, bestow gifts on my “sweethearts” {my kiddos}, but I will also make a promise to love myself more then I have in the past.  And to love myself enough to know that I’m ok with spending Valentine’s Day alone this year and for years to come if that’s what is meant to be.  Because the relationship I have with myself, and knowing who I am, and being comfortable and confident with that is far more attractive (in MY eyes), and far more important to me then any man I’ve ever laid eyes on.

I Can Relate II

"Once I'd found the courage to leave the madness, any emotional shades of gray had come sharply into focus."

Someday

Someday...I will write more boldly about my 11 year marriage and it's demise.  All I can seem to muster right now are blurbs fraught with emotion.  Some things are still too raw, some things I'm still working on, and I'm sure there are some things I still haven't faced. 
But someday..I want to write about my marriage, what it started out to be, what it truly was, and how & why it ended.
And someday...I want to write more openly about continuing my life as a divorcee, the search for myself, and my search for (dare I say it??) love.

Security

Clinging to whatever is consistent, and deciding to settle into it like a warm, cozy blanket wrapped snuggly around me.

Underneath

Sometimes I feel like everyone around me is moving forward; happy; content; or for some people, content in being unhappy.  Either way they are moving.  They are living.  Am I?  Some days I’m not sure…I keep moving, I keep going through the motions.  I try to laugh, to smile, to plan, to live.  But my heart is still searching; for what, I’m not sure.  But there’s a constant uneasiness under the layers.